I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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