I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
