I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
