question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
