My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize