Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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