I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
