good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
