so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
