My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
