I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Mom said you looked used
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
