I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
