If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why is your signature on my underwear?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
