I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
