His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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