Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
