I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize