So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
