Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
