yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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