sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
