Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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