I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
