I wish you could order shots online.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
