Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
