Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
