you didnt know i had herpes?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
