just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My vagina is officially offended.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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