I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's not a foreskin expert like you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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