I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
