Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
