I met the friendliest cop last night
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
