Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
