last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
