my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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