are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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