never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
