Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
