I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
