We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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