i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
