Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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