would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
