2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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