Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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