my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
