he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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