i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
