I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
