Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
