1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Shame is for Republicans.
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