I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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