new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
