I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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