honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
