Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wow bdsm is so cute
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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