the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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