I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
