Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize