from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
