he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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