Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
