Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
