your thong is hanging out like whoa
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize