ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
