I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Welp...herpes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
