i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
try to milk me bitch
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
