it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
