You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
