so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize