she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
